The gift of difference
Photos by Hannah Dornford May Photography
Some months back I had an exploratory meeting with a prospective directee who approached me via the LCSD Directory. As I listened to them, I was struck by just how familiar their inner landscape seemed, resonating with my own. I remember sensing this resonance physically; as it touched my very core, I experienced almost a discomfort. I let this pass, and some weeks later I heard back from the enquirer. They thanked me for my time and explained that they felt drawn to work with another director, one who was very different from them. How did I receive that? Well, there was a little pain of rejection tinged with a sadness that I wouldn’t work with this person after all. Then came a counter movement towards God as I wondered at their choosing of difference over familiarity. Would I be that courageous?
As I bask in the afterglow of our daughter’s wedding, again I am invited to wonder at the gift of difference. The marriage felt like a long time in the making, but then again it required much careful listening and a growing understanding, not least because immediate family members included practising Hindus, Christians and Sikhs.
The fruit of this careful preparation was a celebration that fully respected difference in faith and encouraged those of another or no faith to experience an unfamiliar faith wedding. Hospitality was key and speaks to the heart of Sikhism. For the church ceremony, the practice of hospitality ranged from putting the heating on to choosing accessible Bible readings and the inclusion of Sydney Carter’s song, ‘Lord of the Dance.’ Carter’s lyrics were inspired both by Jesus and the Hindu God Shiva. The ceremony used this version:
“I sleep in the kernel, and I dance in the rain,
I dance in the wind, and through the waving grain,
When you cut me down, I care nothing for the pain –
In Spring I’ll be the Dance again!”
Equally, our family guests expressed just how the Sikh ceremony moved them, with its unique sacred space and holy book. They spoke of being drawn in by the beauty of the music, the clarity of the singing and the feast of colour.
I am coming to understand that for me, this wedding signified a wonderful celebration of faith - each with its distinct tradition offering a glimpse of the divine. This shared faith experience has led me to recognise a greater gratitude for my own tradition as well as respect and delight in the other.
I am growing in awareness of just how difference enriches my life in myriad ways. I thrive living in multicultural London; my church community is a rich melting pot; my supervision group encompasses three faith traditions.
Loving God, give me the courage to embrace difference when it appears so that I may become more fully alive.
Questions for you and your directees:
Where in your life do you encounter difference?
What gifts or challenges does difference present for you?
Nicola Smedley
Nicola is based in Waterloo and Devon. She trained on the Encounter Course at LCSD and then the 1 year Ignatian Enrichment Course. She now finds herself happily immersed in Spiritual Direction with the added pleasure of being a tutor for both Year 1 Encounter and Ignatian Enrichment.